i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
