I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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