Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
