She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
