I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
