If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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