butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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