She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
