this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
