so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
