My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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