I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
