3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
