I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
