Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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