Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
