I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
