I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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