my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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