how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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