Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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