i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
