Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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