You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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