Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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