God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
