Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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