So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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