i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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