You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
