I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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