You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
