Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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