all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
