I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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