just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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