I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize