Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
