i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
