wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
