Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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