Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
