I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
