And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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