Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize