xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
