i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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