Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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