Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize