Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
