Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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