Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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