are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
