I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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