i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
