dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
