so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
