When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
