i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
