DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
