how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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