She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found the puke drawer
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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