i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
