My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
