Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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