singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
