I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
