are you still at the devil's house?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
