On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
