planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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