I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize