Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
