dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
