Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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