I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
