She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
