If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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