New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I pour the whiskey from now on
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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