i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
