Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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