Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
