Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
