glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize