I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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