Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
