Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
