mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
