It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
