Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
