i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
