Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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