OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just high enough for therapy.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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