I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Randomize
