i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
50% drunk capacity currently
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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