Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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