I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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