So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
