I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
