That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize