I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
