Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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