don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
