I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
