i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
