he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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